If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to get out of your comfort zone. A mediocre life is one where you never venture off the path of least resistance. In the past few years of my life, I have embraced this wisdom and it is beginning to pay dividends. I used to have a fear of public speaking, for example. I dove headlong into this fear, putting myself in situations where I was forced to speak in public, and my fear of it has dissipated. There have been a few avenues for this. I was taking courses at school to upgrade my education. These courses often required participation in seminars and lectures. In my early adulthood, I was gripped by a mortal fear to make any kind of contribution in these types of settings. What if I said something stupid? What if my voice cracked? What if people noticed how nervous I was? This last one was interesting and convoluted: I was nervous for people noticing my nervousness. The solution? Feel the fear and do it anyway. My participation level increased gradually as I took more courses. Eventually, the fear and nervousness disappeared and I could freely contribute to any discussion with valid input. My confidence soared. I become self-aware and aware of my own level of intelligence. Consequently my marks shot up. Where I used to be a C and B student, I was suddenly a straight A scholar. Also, my professors came to know me and I gained a good reputation, ensuring the possibility of reference letters if I were ever to apply to grad school.
Another way I overcame fear of public speaking was by joining Toastmasters. Toastmasters is a public speaking club whose mission is to “provide a supportive and positive learning environment, empowering members to develop leadership and communication skills resulting in greater self confidence and personal growth.” I have done many speeches since joining two years ago and taken on many rolls requiring speaking before the group. This wasn’t easy at first, as you can imagine. By confronting my hesitance to speak in public and tackling it head-on, my anxiety magically began to disappear. I came to love the chance to get before an audience, inspire them, and motivate them with my words of wisdom and the unique point of view that we all possess.
David Goggins is an ex-Navy Seal who talks a lot about the value of suffering and how it promotes growth and excellence. He has run many ultra-marathons, been through Hell Week in Navy Seal training three times, and set world records in endurance feats. He says that on other side of suffering is greatness. I thoroughly believe that. Doing difficult things can catapult you into the stratosphere of excellence and mastery.
Do something difficult each and every day, something you’re afraid of. It could be doing an intense workout, asking someone out for a date, writing a thousand words, or asking for a raise at work. Wayne Gretzky once said, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Take risks, sail out on the seas of self-discovery and lose sight of the shore.
Doing difficult things ensures growth. When we lift a heavy weight, for example, the muscle fibers break down and rebuild themselves, thus getting bigger and stronger. A bone that fractures will be stronger at the point at which it has broken after it heals. Often, it is the people who have been through the most difficulty who are the strongest, whether the hardship has been abuse, disease, or some other form of trauma or temporary defeat. Some people cower and retreat in the face of difficulty, resigning to a life of mediocrity. The point however, is to persevere and come back, over and over and over again. By being tenacious and never giving up, you are ensured victory and success.
Don’t accept your limitations either. In fact, your weaknesses are a gift. They demonstrate for you where you can become strong and empowered. My shyness, for example, was a sign that I could become a gifted communicator. Often, our setbacks and weaknesses are signs that we are meant to grow past them and teach others how to overcome them, thus empowering them and enriching their lives. This requires soul-searching and introspection. You have to be self-aware and know what areas of your life can be improved. By identifying these weaknesses, you have found the path to freedom. It won’t be easy however. Discipline is required. This is what doing hard things is all about. It may require rising at the crack of dawn, ending an addiction, or losing weight. Jocko Willink another ex-Navy Seal has a book entitled “Discipline Equals Freedom” that I highly recommend. The title says it all: by doing difficult things and embracing discipline in our lives, we welcome freedom and well-being into our existence. So “embrace the suck” and take action.
In February of 2017, I became a member of Garden City Toastmasters. Since joining and committing myself to going regularly, my life has been transformed beyond imagination. I had been a long-time sufferer of social anxiety, especially around public speaking. Toastmasters, I learned from various web searches, is a place for people like me. I could meet people, practice public speaking, take on roles in the meetings, and improve myself in a variety of ways. Now, more than two years later I can honestly say I am a new person.
My choice to become a member of Toastmasters coincided with a number of other positive habits that I incorporated into my life over the past few years. I have practiced meditation, journaled daily, begun an exercise regimen, and read a lot of self-help and personal development material. I attribute Toastmasters as a keystone habit that has been an important part of integrating all these other transformative practices into my life.
I remember my first meeting like it was yesterday. I nervously introduced myself in the guest introduction part of the meeting and hesitantly took part in Table Topics, a portion of the meeting where members and guests are asked to give a short, impromptu speech on a designated topic or question. Surprisingly I was voted Best Table Topics Speaker at the end of the meeting, which really encouraged me to keep attending. The other members of the club were so welcoming and friendly. I recall seeing the happy look on other members faces as I agreed to take part in Table Topics.
At our weekly meetings of Toastmasters, there is a set schedule which is regularly adhered to and seldom is wavered from. There is an introduction from the Sergeant-at-Arms who reads the Mission Statement of the club followed by the Toastmaster who introduces the theme of the meeting and welcomes any guests. There is a Word-of-the-day and a humourist who tells a humourous story or anecdote to inject some energy into the meeting. Table Topics usually occurs in the first half as well. After a brief break, the prepared speeches part of the meeting occurs followed by evaluations by individual members.
My first speech was an awkward affair in which my eyes were mostly glued to the notes I had. As I did more and more speeches, I learned to gradually become comfortable without notes and using more gestures and movement. I have really developed myself from doing about 20 speeches over the past 2 years and I still have a long way to go. I have learned a lot from the evaluations of my speeches and incorporated the feedback to improve my delivery and content as I made my way through various projects and assignments.
Communication is one of the most important skills an individual can possess, whether in a career or life in general. My life has changed in profound ways because of my experience with Toastmasters. Since joining two years ago, I have landed a job that I love and always wanted and I attribute my Toastmasters experience to helping me get the job and nailing the interview. Having a “Competent Communicator” designation, which I earned for completing 10 speeches from a manual, can look great on a resume and I’m sure my current employer was impressed with this credential. I’ve also noticed that my communication skills in day-to-day life has become more effortless and efficient. Meditation may have played a role in this, but I’m certain that Toastmasters and all the communicating I have done has helped immensely.
When I first joined, I have to admit, the experience was somewhat uncomfortable and I wasn’t fully committed. I failed to attend some meetings after saying I would be there. There were also moments of failure, embarrassment and awkwardness. This is the point and the only way to grow, as is the case with anything worthwhile in life. It is said that Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he came up with the lightbulb, after all. You can choose to play it safe in life, sitting at home and never venturing past your familiar experience, or you can do something like join Toastmasters and commit to it where you will learn valuable leadership and communication skills.
I am now the Sergeant-at-Arms of Garden City Toastmasters and have the privilege of being able to speak at each and every meeting in some capacity. I now welcome public speaking, embrace it, and look forward to it, whereas in the past I would fear it and avoid it at all costs. So if you want to improve yourself in any way, do as I did and join your local Toastmasters club. You will see results after a few short months and may not even recognize yourself a year later with all the confidence you will gain.
